Friday, March 4, 2011

Can I get off here....?

I'm so sick of the emotional roller coaster that is my life.  I can deal with things when they are bad.  I can deal with things when they are good. What I hate is this back and forth of hope and heartbreak.

My dad's test results came back today...not good.  He's got multiple lymph nodes that were swollen in the past and are getting bigger instead of smaller.  He has a lesion on his clavicle (we already knew he had bone mets).  He has a 1 cm tumor in his left lung...his resection 1.5 years ago was on the right.  The lymph nodes that are growing are mostly in the center of his chest and very near to his windpipe.  All of this points to very bad.  His lung cancer is progressing quicker than it was before.

The oncologist doesn't want to treat yet.  Everything is small enough at this point that is wouldn't be very effective and may actually do more damage since it would make him weak and knock down his natural defenses.  So we wait until May and do another PET scan and CT.  He will probably start his 2nd round of chemo in June or July depending on how those scans look.

With all the good news we've gotten this week about Hannah's health and my labs I really hoped things would stay good for a while.  I didn't think his results would be negative...medically I understand that eventually this disease will kill him.  He's young and strong so it could literally move super slow and take 10+ years to do that.  But I know the chance of metastatic lung cancer being 100% cured is not likely, especially after all they've tried.  Everything has been so stable though, nothing growing, nothing new...why now?  Why finally when I have a chance to take a deep breath and relax does this stupid roller coast have to go on a downward slope and steal that breath away again?  I'm so sick of the up and down and up and down and up and down.  So I say to you, roller coaster of life............
                                                                              ...................can I get off here?


  1. I'm sending you tons of HUGS and prayers!

  2. Ditto what Amber said.
    :( hang in there!

  3. I'm so sorry hun! Hopefully no matter how bad it looks now you will be writing in a years time about how he pulled through this!

  4. Thanks guys. It's just kinda one of those days.